If I might offer some feedback on the pitch…
When I put my editor's hat on I'm left wondering where the focus is and how this story will sound. After reading it a few times, I pieced together that you are proposing going to this tournament and visiting with some ultra-serious golf fans who use Murphy's book as a holy text of sorts to connect the game of golf with their philosophy of life. Personally, I found the pitch approach a little confusing, as it felt like a quiz. Do you know who Shivas is? Do you know who Michael Murphy is? Do you know what Golf in The Kingdom Is? Sprinkled in are some facts about the moonless game, the camp, the film and the Golf in the Kingdom book that aren't helping me get at what the story will be or sound like.
Lately I've been encouraging reporters to create pitches that read like the intro and the first graph or two of their stories that establish character and place. I think it's an effective way to engage an editor who is paging through dozens of pitches each day. This approach does involve a little more advance reporting that you may or may not get the commission to support. But to get the pitch through, I think it's important to be clear about how you expect the story to sound. True, it could change and you don't want to pre-suppose everything before you go out and report it. But most editors have to be convinced that there's a story there to begin with. I'm not sure you've sold me with this particular pitch approach.
I think I would invest some time on the phone pre-interviewing a few members of the society who are going to certainly be at this event and convey something in the pitch about what they will say that will make me want to listen.
I'll totally make something up to demonstrate.
Byron Gans' alarm clock goes off at 4:00 every Saturday morning. The night before, he'd already loaded his golf clubs and golf shoes into the trunk of his car for a quick getaway on the hour long drive to his favorite course, the Links of Tryon. He's hoping to get one of the early tee times with his buddies. It's first come first off and there's something about having the whole golf course in front of him that makes the early wake-up call worth it.
"For me, it's kind of like stumbling onto the Garden of Eden at the creation. The natural world is waking up and there's no sign of human beings before we walk down that first fairway. It helps me wash away the stress of the week."
The allusion to the Book of Genesis is not a stretch for Gans. Ever since he read a book called Golf in the Kingdom by Michael Murphy, his weekly visit to the Links of Tryon has felt more like a visit to church.
"I finally got that everything I needed to know about improving myself and making this a better world was in the game of golf."
Gans and 400 other members of the Shivas Irons Society will be gathering at an annual tournament May 20th in San Francisco to celebrate their religious enthusiasm for the game. Shivas Irons is the mystical and magically talented golf pro protaganist in Golf In The Kingdom, the most successful golf novel ever written. Michael Murphy's 1972 book is treated like a holy text for members of the society. (Clint Eastwood has optioned the movie rights and a release in 2008 is coming.)
By attending this May's 15th anniversary tournament, I'll take to the links to profile several of the society members and talk with the author, Michael Murphy, as well. There are some unusual events planned, like a moonless night game with glow balls and candles around the greens that is intended to create a surreal venue for the game that emphasizes it's soulful qualities. I'll hope to get at the deeper connection the game has to the every day lives of these devoted players.
So, those are my impressions. Just my take. Thanks for taking the feedback. If you'd like to talk it over, let me know and I'll give you a call.
